By Zhaan 
Feel free to think of this as a crappy Tumblr post from around 2010. This is just a summary of my experience with the game. Also, I drank coffee while writing this, hence the title. There will be spoilers.
So, I just finished The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Remastered last week and.. I think it’s pretty good. If it were less technically flawed, it would rank fairly high on my GOTY list. Sadly, that’s not the Bethesda way.
I used to play this game a lot back in the day, on both PS3 and PC. It’s one of those games I’ve always returned to for comfort throughout the years, but never actually finished. Typically, I would just trot around the open world, kill some enemies and do random quests. It was fun enough for me.
This time, however, I wanted to at least experience the main story and the major questlines. After getting the platinum trophy this week, I can safely say I’ve seen a good chunk of the game. Sadly, the in-game clock seems to run even when the console is in rest mode, so I’m not sure how many hours were spent in total. Definitely not 347 hours though, as the game suggests.
Class & Playstyle
Now, what did I play as? A stealthy archer-thief, of course. It’s my go-to playstyle in Skyrim, and it works just as well here. I mostly relied on bows, one-handed blades, shields and light armor. The only magic I used was the basic healing spell, but it became virtually useless after a while and potions replaced it quickly. Crafting is something rather tedious to me, so I didn’t engage with that at all. Thankfully the game is generous with those potions.
My choice of race boils down to me being a “Nord” in real life, which is probably not the ideal choice for this type of class, but eh, does it really matter?
Main Story
In the beginning, I just followed the main story and ignored everything else. This meant doing quests for Martin, the next Emperor of Cyrodiil, as well as destroying Oblivion Gates and gathering key items. It’s interesting enough, but clearing those gates gets old quickly as they feel too similar to one another. I suppose that’s one of my major issues with Oblivion in general, the dungeons and caves are often repetitive and labyrinthine by design. This was somewhat improved in Skyrim.
Martin is voiced by Sean Bean, by the way, and it’s a very good performance with strong Boromir (or Ned Stark) vibes.
I stopped right before the Defense of Bruma because I got bored and wanted to check out optional content.
Thieves Guild
I then delved into the Thieves Guild, which honestly might be my favourite part of the game. I very much enjoyed doing the various heists and learning about the mysterious ’Grey Fox’ as I progressed through the story. For me, the highlight was definitely “The Ultimate Heist”, which involves stealing an actual Elder Scroll. It doesn’t get more epic than that. There’s a really cool twist at the end, too.
Also, there is a no-murder rule for all members of the guild, which suits my character well. He may be a thief, but murdering innocents is a big no-no. And of course, that brings me to the Dark Brotherhood questline..
Dark Brotherhood
Is it good? Yes, there’s a reason this questline is so beloved by the TES community. It’s a well written story full of twists and interesting characters, plus a very cool horse. It’s just that it clashed morally with the character I had committed to playing, so it wasn’t enjoyable in the same way the Thieves Guild was. That’s entirely on me though, I could have made a seperate character just for this part.
Now, I’m not sure I should call this a “highlight” per se, but there’s a really dark sequence where you’re instructed to basically murder an entire family. You start off by asking the mother where her children are located, and then you systematically erase them one by one. They’re all adults, but it’s grim stuff and it seems undeserved. But then again, that’s exactly what this guild is about.
All in all, a memorable questline that I still think about. And that’s the important part, no?
Mages & Fighters Guild
After that, it was time for the Mages Guild and the Fighters Guild. They were solid enough, but ultimately felt a bit tedious. I do think the Mages Guild is the better of the two. It starts off very slow because you need recommendations from every mage guild in Cyrodiil to become a member, and you’ll need to complete various tasks to obtain them. This takes a while, but after that it gets pretty interesting as you uncover a dark conspiracy led by necromancer Mannimarco. I just find that name really funny.
At the end of the storyline, you become the new Arch-Mage. Amusingly, this makes you the owner of a staff you were tasked with stealing for the Thieves Guild. If only I had done the guilds in the opposite order.
As for the Fighter’s Guild? Well, it had me doing fetch quests and boring cave jobs, and by that point I was feeling burned out and wanted to wrap it up quickly. The best part was infiltrating the Blackwood Company and messing up that weird tree.
The Arena
With the guilds done, my platinum trophy was within reach. I just had to complete the Arena challenges and finish the main story. It was rather fun, but the fights went by quickly thanks to my very awesome sword Umbra. I had to lower the difficulty for a few group-fights though. The final battle against the Grey Prince was tough, but unfortunately I missed that he has a quest you can do beforehand. It’s too late if you kill him. I guess that’s one reason to re-visit the game someday.
Finishing The Game
That leaves the main story, which was much shorter than I ever realized. Having completed most of it already, the only thing that remained was the Defense of Bruma and beating the big baddie(s).
As I mentioned above, my game-fatigue had already set in at this point so I decided to basically “speedrun” this part. I blazed through the Great Gate, ignored the enemies, ran to the top and snatched the sigil. Gate goes boom.
After that, I entered the villain’s paradise and stole the necklace Martin needs to become emperor. Thankfully, this only took about 10-15 minutes and Umbra once again proved herself worthy. Is there a better weapon? Probably, but damn it’s good.
The curtain falls. Well, almost. Cyrodiil still needs an emperor, after all. To cut things short, you protect Martin in the final stretch of the game as the daedric prince Mehrunes Dagon wrecks havoc in the capital city. Martin then becomes a dragon and sacrifices himself to defeat Dagon. It’s a brief, but epic battle.
What follows is one final cutscene narrated by Martin, and that’s about it. There is no credits roll. You get a nice set of armor for your troubles and you’re free to keep playing.
Closing Thoughts
So how do I feel about this game? Well, it’s still a very solid game with some of the best quests in the series. It retains all of the magic of the original, but also much of the jank. Visually it looks stunning.
Unfortunately, the remaster suffers from a variety of technical issues and bugs, and the game crashed a dozen times during my playthrough. I also found the framerate to be very uneven in performance mode on PS5. Presumably it runs better on the Pro model and on PC, but don’t quote me on that. These technical flaws bog down an otherwise enjoyable game, so it’s not going to win any awards.
On the other hand, I did get that platinum trophy and I only have five of those. I’m really not an achievement guy so that’s gotta count for something, no? Overall, I had a good time with Oblivion. If you want a silly score purely based on vibes, I’ll give it a 7/10.
That’s all for now. I’ll see you in a year or so.